


All Our Little Reasons

by Icce_Berry



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Dark, Depression, F/F, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reconciliation, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-07 08:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7707043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icce_Berry/pseuds/Icce_Berry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Amethyst was captured by Jasper in Crack the Whip? Jasper is still missing Lapis and Lapis isn't much better. But what would happen if Lapis took things a bit too far?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Defiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you denying...?

Amethyst looked up at Jasper as the other gem slammed her helmet down. The words had hurt more than the light. The light being the excruciating pain of being reduced back into her gem. Steven screamed and Connie looked on in shock as Jasper picked up the purple gemstone and walked casually back into the sea, the corrupted gem scampering after her, disappearing a few moments later, as though nothing had happened.

Amethyst woke up and immediately realised she couldn't move. Her regeneration had been too quick and she hadn't had time to heal properly. Her sight returned a moment later, just in time to see Jasper's helmet coming down on her again, the light once again returning.  
She tried to regenerate a few more times, and after realising that it was futile, she decided to stay in her gem and think about what Jasper had said.

\-----

"Amethyst!" She heard Jasper's rasping voice through her regeneration. "How kind of you to join me." No sooner had Amethyst reached her form, something was clamped around her wrists and she felt something snap in her gem. Amethyst looked up at Jasper from her kneeling position on the floor.  
"Do you like them? I found them in the wreckage of my ship, you can't shape shift, have any control over your weapon, or revert back to your gem!"  
Amethyst made a grunting noise at the obvious strain on her wrists.  
"I don't know why I'm bothering, you can't beat me with every weapon and power on homeworld!"  
Amethyst looked up at her again, furious.  
"I could beat you at any time!"  
"What? Are you denying you are weak?"  
Tears pooled in Amethyst's eyes. "I am not weak, Rose told me I was strong, so that's who I am going to be!" She raised up her chin in defiance.  
Jasper raised her hand, and Amethyst noticed it was in a glove made of what her hands were tied with. Jasper reached up to Amethyst's gem and patted it slightly before reaching in and pulling out a purple whip, Amethyst herself screaming in pain throughout. The pain was immeasurable.  
Jasper raised the whip and brought it down on the smaller gem's arm. "You are weak."  
She smacked Amethyst with the whip again, harder this time. "You are defective."  
She kept whipping Amethyst, tears streaming down Amethyst's cheeks, unable to retreat to her gem; Jasper always saying the things she feared with each blow.  
"Why would Rose Quartz trust you?"  
"Why would her pearl trust you?"  
"Why would a fusion trust you?  
"How could you ever beat me?"  
Jasper roared the last one, then threw down the whip and walked out of the small cave they were in.  
Amethyst sat, alone. In the dark, crying, in so much pain, and homesick.

\-----

Amethyst tried to sleep for a bit, but she couldn't help but dread Jasper's return. She seemed to be in a kind of cell in an orange and yellow cave, with metal bars at one end, and an opening that Jasper could get through, but not Amethyst in her current state. She sat, swaying back, and forward, and back again; passing the time.  
She missed Pearl; her tidiness and obsessivity, but also her caring and empathetic personality, who just wanted to help people.  
She missed Garnet; her strength in so many ways, her knowing something was wrong and just the right way to fix it, but also the caring that came from experiencing struggle herself.  
She missed Steven; his innocence at everything and how he was up for messing around and distracting her from whatever was bothering her. He was never serious, and he brought the team together.  
She really missed Rose, she really did. Rose was an amazing soldier, but she only fought to protect. She cared about every living creature, and was curious about it. In so many ways she was a lot like Steven is now, even if they never met.  
She even missed Lapis and Peridot, although even if they weren't maybe proper Crystal Gems, they didn't fail to help and cheer people up, even if they didn't participate by going on missions.

Amethyst opened her eyes with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She would certainly give them all a hug when she gets out, if she ever does.  
A loud noise alerted her to the metal bars, and the angry gem forcing them apart to get through them.  
Jasper growled and Amethyst raised her chin and looked her directly in the eyes.  
"And why do you think you have the right to look into my eyes?"  
Amethyst said nothing, but her gaze didn't move.  
"Answer me! Do you think we're equals?"  
Amethyst broke the share to look worriedly at the whip, her whip, lying on the stone floor, and as Jasper grabbed it.  
Crack! The first smack sounded around the cave.  
"We will never," Crack! "Be equals!" Jasper roared.  
Crack! Then a pause.  
"Who are you?" Jasper spoke worryingly softly.  
Amethyst looked up with wet eyes but not quite to the other gem's gaze. "I am Amethyst."  
Crack!  
A long pause echoed around as Jasper waited for the right answer.  
"I'm Amethyst." She was crying full on now.  
Crack! But her response was almost immediate this time.  
"I am an amethyst gem."  
"Correct. Stop this dream where you are something, worth something! What are you?"  
"I am a Crystal Gem."  
Crack!  
"You didn't even fight in the gem war! Do you really think that those idiots need you? Want you there? They just picked you up so you wouldn't reek havoc on their precious Earth. So... what are you?"  
"I'm... nothing."  
Amethyst closed her eyes, purple hair flowing around her face, her face wet from tears.  
"That's right, you're nothing." Amethyst could almost hear the grin on Jasper's face.


	2. Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How quickly will Amethyst give in?

Jasper was right, wasn't she? She may not be the nicest, but at least she told the truth. Amethyst was defective, should have been shattered from the moment she stepped outside her kindergarten hole.  
Amethyst sighed, she shouldn't let Jasper get to her, but it was difficult. She just had to imagine Pearl, Garnet, ... Steven.  
She was just getting weirdly used to it all.

The scratching of metal being forced to move didn't even make Amethyst turn her head anymore. The lashings were still bad, but they could be avoided.  
"Who are you?"  
"An amethyst gem."  
"What are you?"  
"Nothing."  
"Why are you here?"  
"I am not needed elsewhere."  
Crack! She hadn't expected that one.  
"I- I can learn... To be better. You can teach me what the others would never tell me."  
"Good!" The larger gem's voice was snarky.  
"Why could you never beat me?"  
"I am... weak and defective. I could never have been a soldier."  
Jasper nodded and smiled with all teeth. Amethyst could guess what would happen next, but Jasper had never gone there.  
"What would your Crystal Gems think of you now?"  
"They would see me giving up!  
After a moment, Amethyst looked up at Jasper in defiance, just in time to see her beloved whip crack down on her shoulder. The noise echoed and nobody spoke. Jasper walked back to the bars, and before leaving, turned to Amethyst.  
"Think."

\-----

Jasper left the amethyst's cell and walked until she sat down on a reddish coloured rock. She cradled her arms around her chest, then realised that she was still holding the purple whip. As though burnt she threw it to the ground and stared at it, as though it would bite her.  
Why was she doing this?  
She wanted revenge? She hated the amethyst? She missed... Lapis?  
No! She was stronger! She was stronger than wanting to be in an abusive relationship. On the receiving end of all things!  
She was a Jasper and she was a soldier. She would not be bullied by a mere child in a dress.  
She would prove to them all that she was stronger!

\-----

Amethyst rocked again. She could hardly walk and it took up all her energy, so she rocked. Her body was aching from not reforming, and pain was something she got used to, so she rocked.  
Jasper told her to think, so she did. The others had lied to her, she wasn't anything. But Jasper's voice kept echoing long after the sound had gone.  
What would your Crystal Gems think of you now?  
Garnet would be disgusted at how quickly she had given up. Pearl would be angry at her for not finding a way out. Steven... would be sad? No, he would be disappointed in her. She just wasn't good enough.

\-----

Sapphire's gem sat on a cushion in the house, the rest of the sofa having been burned by Ruby, then put out by Sapphire. Ruby as usual had got angry when upset, but more than usual. She had punched Sapphire, who had reverted to her gem and not come out for a few days. Ruby was nowhere to be found, probably steaming in her room. Pearl was out searching, unsuccessfully, and she had sent Steven to stay with Connie or look after Sapphire's gemstone. The temple was silent, the usual activity completely gone. Lapis had been told what had happened, and she had relayed it to Peridot, but they hadn't got involved too much, they might make it worse. No one knew really what had happened. For all they knew, Amethyst could have been shattered. 

\-----

Amethyst wished she had been shattered. She just rocked, and thought, and rocked and got things wrong, and got punished. That was how it was, Jasper was helping her. She deserved the punishment, she was wrong.  
She had really started to believe what she said to avoid whips. There really must be a saying about being hit with your own whips, but Amethyst couldn't really think of much apart from what was being fed to her.  
Jasper came and went, but Amethyst's eyes never moved from a spot on the striped stone wall.  
When she heard questions, she answered them. Her previous opinion or free choice meant nothing. Were nothing.  
"Tell me about those Crystal Gems."  
"The pearl is defective, her gemstone is wrong and she believes she was made for more than to serve. The fusion is an act of cowardice. The once noble sapphire and the common soldier ruby. They believe they represent something. Steven is just a human, he believes he is Rose Quartz, but he just runs around aimlessly. He was made for no purpose. The peridot is weak, she has almost no powers and she cannot do a thing in battle. She is useless. The lapis lazuli -"  
"That's enough." 

\-----

Jasper left the cell once again, the roars of the attention deprived corrupted gems around her. She hated this, she hated being the victim. She was the victim, she was only doing this because of Lazuli. She had to put this right. She had to let Amethyst go. But she just wasn't strong enough.


	3. Mercy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is Jasper doing now?

Amethyst heard Jasper yet again enter her cell, but she didn't move. Jasper paused, didn't take the whip, and didn't ask questions.  
"Turn around."  
Amethyst didn't move her eyes but closed them, she shuffled her curled up body so her back was facing the other gem. She knew she would be whipped on her back, or maybe something else.  
There was a clicking, and for a moment, she felt something in her numb hands. Feeling. The ties were not completely off, but she could still move a little.  
"I will let you reform, to heal. Do not try a thing, this is true mercy. Your... teaching will commence again afterwards."  
Jasper left, taking the ties with her.  
Amethyst couldn't believe it, she brought her hands round to the front of her body and felt them. She could... Reform? With this knowledge she quickly pressed one of her wounds with her hand, and the light came. The pain was a relief, a blessing. But she was still in captivity, she was still being taught. It had to be done by somebody.

\-----

Pearl sat on the warp pad at the galaxy warp, and cried. She didn't stop for a long time. She had searched everywhere where Jasper could be, but with no results. She was certain that her friend had been shattered by now. There was no other explanation.  
She sadly stood up and warped back to the temple. Maybe Sapphire had returned.  
She let herself be swept away, trying to wipe away some of her tears.  
Whoosh!  
She landed in the temple, and looked up. But as the stray warp light cleared, she could tell something was different. Noise.  
There was a crash. Pearl's eyes locked with Jasper's, and filled with new determination, she grabbed a spear and got ready to launch herself.  
But she didn't. 1: Jasper was holding up her hands, so she wasn't here to fight. 2: She then placed a small purple gemstone next to Sapphire's, before stomping out the door.  
Pearl stood in silence, spear still in hand, before wiping away a tear and running forward towards her companion.  
The gem was slightly scuffed, but Steven could fix that. At least it wasn't cracked or... shattered!  
Pearl didn't leave the two gems' side for quite a few days.

\-----

Jasper walked out of the temple, a small tear in her eye. She was apparently strong enough to let her go, but maybe the strength came in holding on to her. She felt weak, either way.  
Why did she do that?  
What is she thinking?  
How did the pearl not shatter her where she was standing?  
It seemed like the Crystal Gems were in disarray. What Amethyst had told her had revealed that the human was not Rose Quartz, but just had her shield. She probably should have asked more questions before giving in. 

\-----

Days passed and Jasper sat on one of the rocks. She didn't want to fight the Crystal Gems if they had her amethyst, and she couldn't get home. Maybe she could fix a ship? No she even hired someone else to do that for her because she was so bad! Wait... Peridot? What had the amethyst said? Just that she was weak.  
Jasper sighed.  
Maybe she could talk to Peridot and try to convince her to build a ship home. If she was that weak, it could be easy!

\-----

Day passed and Pearl sat on one of the burnt cushions. Ruby came and went, eventually deciding to forgive Sapphire and look after her gem sometimes. So it was just Pearl and Amethyst's gem.  
Waiting waiting. Waiting waiting.  
Why had Jasper done this? Why had she returned Amethyst? What had she done to her?  
Pearl didn't really want to think about that one. It could be terrible, but at least Amethyst could heal her physical form before reforming.  
What Pearl was worried about, was healing her mental state.


	4. Incentive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are the true incentives?

Amethyst hadn't bothered to change her form in any way, so it was still the ragged white shirt and leggings that she had changed to when Jasper captured her. She had taken her time, because her body took so long. Her gem had needed time to recover from the bindings, and the amount of whips Jasper took, just to watch Amethyst in pain.  
The light flooded her, and she was raised and then collapsed on the ground. The ground seemed to be... wooden? Oh no!  
Oh noo!  
Jasper had put her back in the temple. Back with the crystal gems!  
She belonged to Jasper now, so maybe Jasper wanted her to fight the Crystal Gems from the inside! There could be no other reason!

Pearl watching with surprise as Amethyst reformed. Her outfit was slightly different, and she looked so tired, so done.  
No sooner had the excess light disappeared, she reached down and gave the curled up gem a hug. She thought it would help. She did, honest.

Amethyst turned around in an instant, despite her weary state. Two arms were wrapped around her, and she pulled away. She knew it was the pearl, but if Jasper wanted her to fight them from the inside, they had to believe that's where she was.  
She hadn't felt the comforting touch of another gem in weeks, but it just felt stinging on her purple skin. She didn't make eye contact as the hug went, she just stood up, and walked into her room. She sat on a broken wooden stool, surrounded by rubbish, things she wouldn't let go of. She felt like they were closing in on her, forcing her to do something. Jasper wanted her to fight what she had been. Jasper wanted her to fight the Crystal Gems. The pearl, the fusion, the human. The servant, the abomination, the dirt. But she wasn't made to fight, she was as bad as them. She was defective, and weak. Her head sank lower onto her knees. She heard a rumble behind her, but didn't move as centuries of rubbish fell down on her head.

\-----

Jasper had finally managed to track down Peridot. She was in an old wooden structure, and Jasper wasn't... hopeful about talking to her. But she had no other option.  
The structure had metal objects jammed in it at certain angles, like for one a human transport vehicle. Jasper noticed Peridot in it, and knocked on the metal, as though on a door.  
"Umm, hello?"  
A green flash and the small gem jumped down.  
"J- Jasper!"  
Even in the dim light, Jasper could see Peridot's height.  
"Where are your limb enhancers?" Jasper chuckled, "You look ridiculous!"  
"H- hey! This is who I am now! And what are you doing here in our barn anyway?"  
"Our..?"  
Jasper looked around, and noticed two blue eyes staring right into hers. The figure stepped forward, and Lapis Lazuli gathered some water above her hand.  
"It's okay Peridot, I'll get rid of her."  
"No, no! I'm not here to fight. I didn't actually know you were both here! I just need to talk to Peridot."  
Lapis walked off, "She's all yours, Peridot." Before flying up to the transportation vessel and disappearing, though they both knew she was still listening.  
"Peridot, what are you doing here? With Lazuli? I'm desperate! I need to get off this planet!"  
"What? No! This is my home now, I'm even the leader of the Crystal Gems!" Peridot looking proud, standing up a bit taller.  
If Jasper was able to, she probably would have fainted. The leader... of... the Crystal Gems? What?  
"Are you... okay? Peridot?"  
"Yes! I've even been to Funland with Steven and... "  
A long pause echoed between them.  
"What did you do to Amethyst? Where is she? Why?!" Peridot was panicky, she just let Jasper walk into the barn? What?  
"It's a long story." Jasper realised she was getting nowhere, and then... "If you want to talk, Lazuli, Peridot knows where I am."  
And then she walked off until she got home, to her kindergarten. The place she was made, and the place she would stay.


	5. Creation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has happened to Amethyst?

"...and she said that Peridot knows where she is." Lapis looked up at Pearl again.  
"Thank you Lapis, that's at least something going our way."  
Lapis nodded "What I'm worried about is why she wanted to speak with Peridot."  
Lapis was obviously finding it difficult talking about Jasper, and it must have been hard fo act normal when they were so near each other.  
Lapis soon flew off, and Pearl was left with the information. She didn't want to push Amethyst into anything, but they needed to find Jasper.  
Pearl walked up to the temple door and let herself into her room. It was peaceful, and calm. She wished she could have just sat in one of the pools and sit there through all the struggles.  
Pearl worked her way through the temple by climbing and sliding down the veins / pipes. She got to Amethyst's room, but as usual she couldn't find her.  
"Amethyst?"  
Nothing  
"Are you okay? I'd just like to talk with you."  
A long pause, but Pearl felt sure that Amethyst had heard her.  
"I'm just going to come and find you, so sorry if anything gets knocked over."  
She walked, and cleared areas, and walked, and walked, until she thought she was back fo the start again.  
"Please! Amethyst!"  
Pearl felt on the verge of tears. What had happened to them? What had happened to Amethyst?  
Then, barely audible, Pearl heard her name being called. Even the sound was drenched with tears.  
She followed it, and she came to a large cardboard box, the insides painted orange and yellow and red, Amethyst curled up at one end. But Pearl couldn't get to her, there were metal bars blocking off the entrance.  
Amethyst was full on crying, she looked like she had hurt herself, but not let herself reform.  
Pearl felt terrible. How easy it would be to go back and sit in one of her fountains and pretend she hadn't seen this.  
But she had.  
"Is this - Is this where you were?"  
Amethyst nodded, her face turned away from the other gem.  
"Do you know where it is?"  
Amethyst paused, then shook her head slowly.  
Pearl slowly pulled apart two of the metal bars, and climbed in beside her friend. She jumped, and drew back as she appeared to be sitting on something.  
Amethyst's whip.  
Pearl lifted it up to see it in the light and Amethyst cowered away from her.  
"Oh sorry!" Pearl apologied, but nothing changed.  
"Hey Amethyst, can you look at me a second?"

Amethyst looked up from the wall of the box. It wasn't right, the walls were smooth, and the red stripes were not in quite the right places.  
She heard Pearl's voice, but her brain changed what she had said.  
It was Pearl's way of ordering her to look at her, so Amethyst did.  
But as she moved her head to look at Pearl, all she could see was Jasper, grin on her face and whip in her hand. Jasper had whipped her if she looked at her eyes or caught her glare, so Amethyst kept on looking at the wall. Even if this was a mission from Jasper to get rid of the Crystal Gems from the inside, she wouldn't let herself forget anything. Jasper wouldn't take that kindly if she fell sloppy on her teaching.  
Amethyst barely noticed Pearl's hand as it reached over and tilted her head towards her. But then Amethyst realised, even if she was weak and defective and shatter worthy, this was a pearl. And pearls are beneath amethysts, no matter who they are or what they have done.  
And this wasn't Jasper. And she didn't have to be scared, because this was a pearl and she was weak.  
"Get off me" Amethyst all but growled, swatted away Pearl's hand. Her eyes looked up and caught the other's.  
"Why are you looking at me? You are a pearl! How dare you think you can look at me?"

"I - I..."  
Pearl scurried off, tears in her eyes. Find Garnet, find Garnet!  
Ruby was with Sapphire, and Pearl got there just in time to see her reforming. They immediately hugged and talked very quietly, before fusing and turning to Pearl.  
"She's -- gone mad!"  
Garnet ran over, but before getting to Pearl, she collapsed on her knees from a powerful future vision.

\-----

Garnet sighed, there was no way to see the correct path, there were just far too many options to what could happen. Instead, she got up, walked over to Pearl, and carried the crying gem into her room, where she placed her in one of her precious fountains, to rest and calm down.  
"Don't try and talk to her," Pearl's voice spoke up, "Nothing can come out of it."

\-----

Amethyst finally decided to get up. Not to stretch her legs, not to find the others, but she needed to find Jasper. Jasper hadn't even told her what specifically to do. Did she just intend to plant her like a bomb and wait for it to go off? Amethyst had no idea.  
She wouldn't admit it, to even Jasper, but she really missed that spot on the wall in the cave. So she set out through her room, and through the temple. The others weren't around, which made it easier.  
She walked for hours, thinking. The caves where she was kept looked strangely like a kindergarten, but not hers. And from the moon base she knew that there was only one other kindergarten on Earth that was of some size. She knew where it was in a map, and followed through towns and cities and fields and mountains trying to find it. 

\-----

Jasper however was sitting in a puddle in her kindergarten. The small patch of water was being soaked away by the sand, but it reminded her of Lazuli. How did she manage to come that close to her without falling on her knees and begging? She would have to steer clear of her, even if she really needed to talk with Peridot.

\-----

Peridot was searching her memory of old kindergartens. Jasper was made here on Earth, but Peridot just had to remember where it was.  
A few days later she had set out, leaving Lapis behind and not telling her where she was going. Lapis didn't seem to care all that much, so Peridot must have mastered deception! Another thing to add to the checklist!  
She found herself a week later in a desert, orange and red sandstone striking across the normal yellowish beige. She felt certain that Jasper was in there somewhere, and as an experienced kindergartener, she knew these were holes of Jaspers around the age of the one she knew. She stepped out, a small green prick against the cavernous orange depths. She still found it creepy, no matter how magnificent they were. Silence filled the open space, and then...  
Roar!  
Peridot got ready for a corrupted gem to appear around the corner, but it must be trapped somewhere. She had just calmed herself down through logic when she felt the hairs on her neck upright.  
Someone was behind her.  
She slowly and carefully turned around, greeted by the sight of none other than Amethyst, looking far more tired and out of it than the green gem had ever seen her.  
But before Peridot could say a thing, Amethyst had walked past her and into the sea of orangy rocks.  
"H- hey!" Peridot scrambled after her, though a lot less agile and used to the area. 

\-----

Great! Now the peridot was there! That just made everything better!  
But Amethyst wondered why. Why would the peridot be here? Weren't they not allies anymore. She didn't know, so she kept walking.  
She walked until she saw Jasper, and her breath caught in her throat. She was surrounded by caves with iron bars, like hers which was empty. The others were full of corrupted gems, but she hadn't noticed them in her time here before.  
Jasper herself was sitting cross legged in a small puddle of water, back hunched and facing away from Amethyst. She stayed behind a rock, and just before she was about to step out from it, the peridot reached her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Amethyst put a finger to her lips, to be quiet.  
They both watched Jasper for a moment from behind the rocks, and then something unexpected happened.  
Lapis Lazuli flew down, sat cross legged across from Jasper, and started talking.


	6. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can the aftermath of creation ever go well?

"Did Peridot bring you here?"  
"I followed her until I saw this place. She could be here at any moment."  
A pause.  
Jasper opened her eyes and looked directly into the other gem's.  
"Please form Malachite with me Lazuli!"  
"I miss it too, but no." Lapis stood up.  
"If you miss it, miss being her, then why can't we try it, for a day?"  
"I said NO!" Lapis picked up the water underneath Jasper and pooled it in her hand. "You don't miss Malachite! You miss being abused by ME!"

She turned the water into an ice spike and held it it like a dagger very close to Jasper's shocked face. "And I hate myself for it and you just remind me of that!" Lapis pushed the ice just above Jasper's gem, and she was poofed. Lapis took a couple of steps away and then flew off.

Peridot looked back at Amethyst, but she was gone. The purple gem was holding the orange one in her hands, tears in her eyes.  
Amethyst was murmuring something.  
"You just wanted to hurt somebody. You never wanted to teach me anything. You never wanted to make me better. I was just too weak to notice."

Amethyst placed the gem carefully on the ground, and watched as Peridot scampered off, probably to tell the others of what had happened.  
She didn't really know what to do. She was tired and sad. She had thought that Jasper was helping her. She had thought that she could be a student again to learn what she had done wrong. Had Jasper really tried to get rid of her? Or was it to infiltrate the Crystal Gems?  
Amethyst would have to wait until Jasper reformed. But until then, she would have to wait.  
So that is how Amethyst found herself back in her cave, curled up staring at the wall, but with nothing to stop her from leaving.

\-----

Lapis had decided to tell no one of going to see Jasper, but she hadn't seen Peridot, so maybe she saw something, maybe she didn't.  
She missed Malachite too, but Jasper was driving her crazy! She wanted to hurt her so much, she wanted to shatter her even! She just had to get Jasper out of the way so she could start being good. Get the evidence out the way and she could become a Crystal Gem!

\-----

Jasper was crying as she reformed, not a little but a lot. She just sat there. And cried.  
She hadn't seen any use in changing her form, and there was nothing to hurry for, so she took her time healing.  
It was embarrassing for her, she was the strongest gem on this lousy planet! A jasper! She couldn't be taken down by a lapis lazuli! A small Lazuli in a dress could _obliterate_ her.  
At least she was still stronger than one gem, but they were back with their friends, all safe and sound and happy.  
It broke Jasper's heart, the truth that she was being bullied, and taking it out on another. It wasn't fair to anyone to stay where they were, but Jasper couldn't move, she was sandwiched in the middle of two abusive and abused gems.

\-----

A few days passed and Lapis had been lying down on the roof of the barn the whole time. A knock on the door signalled the approach of someone.  
"Hello! Lapis?"  
Pearl called up to the roof. A moment later, two water wings carried Lapis down to the ground.  
"Yes... Lapis. Peridot has told us what happened. Do you need to talk about it?"  
"No." Lapis looked at Pearl as if bored.  
"Just... Do you want to spend some time at the temple?"  
"No." Lapis said nothing else and flew off until she was beyond sight, leaving Pearl standing there, bewildered.

\-----

Amethyst threw one of her whips on the ground, she didn't care anymore. She missed Jasper and Jasper hadn't arrived. Cautiously, the purple gem stepped outside the cell, seeing Jasper hunched over on a rock, sobs wracking her whole body.  
Despite everything, Amethyst felt pity. She wanted to comfort Jasper, but she just stood there.  
She waited and waited until eventually she went and sat on the rock next to Jasper. Nothing was said.  
They were like that all night, and at some point Amethyst started crying too.  
It was only in the morning, no tears left, that Amethyst rested her head on Jasper's shoulder.

\-----

Garnet was surprised when Amethyst walked into the temple - she had dismissed that future as impossible. Pearl was happy and hugged Amethyst, and she smiled and hugged back. Steven was there, after spending a few weeks with Greg and a few nights with Connie. He had been filled in with the... basics. He was happy, but didn't particularly understand how someone could be sad. Peridot was there, and she looked weary. Then again she looked happy to see Amethyst happy again.

They had thought it would go back to normal. It really wouldn't though.  
Life carried on, people tried to forget, missions went on.  
But the event still haunted the back of everyone's minds.  
That and Amethyst couldn't speak.  
Well it wasn't as though she couldn't, but she wouldn't.  
If someone asked her a question she would shake or nod her head, or otherwise ignore them.  
Steven tried to get her to draw it, like with the Centipeedle, but she wouldn't.  
She would open her mouth sometimes, then remember something and close her mouth, then hurry off.  
It baffled everyone, but they just went with it.

\-----

Life carried on as this new normal for a week or two, and no one had seen Lapis. She wasn't at the barn, but knowing her, she could be anywhere on Earth or nearby Solar Systems. So no one worried.  
That was until Amethyst went missing again. Then the gems really started to worry.

\-----

Amethyst made her way back to the jasper kindergarten. She missed Jasper, but in a different way to when she made this journey before.  
She didn't tell the gems where she was going, but she didn't _tell_ them anything.

\--A week earlier--

Amethyst still had her head rested on Jasper's shoulder. It was simple, but neither moved away.  
"Sorry."  
"I know."  
"You do?"  
"I understand. And I'm sorry as well."  
"Thank you."  
"No - thank _you_."  
Neither said a thing for another few minutes.  
"You can't tell them anything, do you know that?"  
"About what you did, what Lapis did? Yes I had realised."  
Jasper laughed with all teeth and turned to Amethyst, pulling away. "No, you can't tell them _anything_."


	7. Looming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened here?

What Amethyst found at the kindergarten was not what she expected. The cells with corruptions were now empty, and they must have been let out a while ago as she couldn't hear them anywhere nearby. She didn't know what she was with Jasper now, but they had forgiven each other. They both understood.  
Not only were the cells empty, but the whole kindergarten was empty. Jasper was nowhere to be seen, and that worried Amethyst. She wouldn't just leave? Where would she go? 

\-----

Amethyst was gone, again. None of the Crystal Gems knew if she'd been kidnapped again, or went on her own accord, but it was unsaid and mutually agreed that she was with Jasper.  
But they were obviously not at either kindergartens, because that would be too obvious. No one knew anything, and that was the problem.

Pearl sat on Steven's bed with him, watching as he went off to sleep. Graceful as ever, she jumped down to where Garnet was waiting, and they silently walked over to the warp pad. Garnet took them to a snowy area but there was nothing, a desert area - nothing, a grassy area - nothing. They kept searching, but to no avail.

\-----

Amethyst didn't know what to do. She was looking in some of the jasper holes but didn't know which was the one of the Jasper she knew. Every time she heard a warp pad or voices, she hid. The others would just send her home and not let her be worried for Jasper.  
She looked and looked, gaining small amounts of hope every time she saw a small hole or a deformed one. She wasn't the only one defective one then. She was scuffing her feet in the sand, half giving up hope of finding even a clue, when she looked up. She was standing outside her old cell. Fondly but cautiously, Amethyst wrapped her fingers around those metal bars. She was just turning away when a glint caught her eye, reflecting the sun.  
Curious, Amethyst slid through the bars and walked to the back. It was dark, and she could hardly see a thing, but she squinted and saw what was there.  
Gasped, screamed, ran, hid, cried, and cried and cried.

Why?

In deepest part of Amethyst's cell, lay six ornate shards of orange stone. Arranged to show what it once was. The shattered remains

 

of a jasper.


	8. This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well I guess you'll find out

Days, weeks? Amethyst didn't know how long it had been.  
She rocked every now and then, when she couldn't walk. When she could she did. Aimlessly.

The questions poured out of her brain and into every fibre of life she had.

Feelings had disappeared. It was just Amethyst, what she was walking on, and what she had seen back there.  
She just couldn't think. She was being blinded by the truth of it.  
Jasper was gone.  
Jasper was shattered.  
She'd shattered herself, hadn't she? It hadn't gone unnoticed to Amethyst that Jasper had kept a few of her whips.  
Tie them around her gem. Pull. Poof. No more Jasper.

A beautiful lake drew out in front of her, but she paid it no mind. That was, until a figure flew down into it.  
"Amethyst!"  
She looked up.  
"The others are looking everywhere! Pearl and Garnet haven't been back for almost a week looking."  
Amethyst ignored Lapis and carried on walking. She had a lot of ground to cover that day if she wanted to get away from that kindergarten.  
"Please Amethyst."  
Nothing.  
"We miss you."  
Nothing  
"Steven misses you."  
Amethyst's step faltered and she stopped.  
"I can take you home. To the temple. Everything will be okay."  
Amethyst looked unsure.  
Lapis held out her hands and reluctantly Amethyst took them.  
If Lapis had let Amethyst fly with her a few months ago, she would have loved it.  
Now, she just looked at the ground. How easy it would be to just fall. Her gem would be shattered before she had a chance to feel pain.  
A sight pulled her from her thoughts when Amethyst saw the jasper kindergarten.  
This was away from the temple, Amethyst was sure. She plucked the courage, and spoke - her voice crusty from crying and screaming and not talking.  
"L- Lapis, where are we going?"  
She didn't answer for a long time.  
"I thought we could bring Jasper."  
"Lapis, Jasper is..." But Amethyst couldn't say it.  
"Jasper is...?"  
"Not -- there." Amethyst said a bit too loud, trying not to start crying.  
"Well we can look. Almost there now anyway."  
Amethyst said nothing else until they did.

\-----

"Is that your old cell?" Lapis asked, a hand on Amethyst's shoulder. She could only nod, climbing inside, Lapis following her.  
She knelt at the back hands wringing behind her back.  
"Stay."  
Before Amethyst could turn around, something had clicked onto her wrists and she felt a snapping in her gem.  
She looked up at Lapis. She said nothing.  
Lapis kicked her and she tipped over, cutting herself on the shards but she couldn't regenerate.  
"You shattered Jasper."  
Silence  
More silence  
"She embodied what I'd done wrong. I couldn't be good without letting that - her - go."  
"But I saw the shards, I guess I get the same fate."  
"Well you know the truth."  
"You don't need to do this. I was on my way to find a cliff to do it myself."  
Lapis paused.  
"Fine. I will enjoy it more watching you end this."  
Lapis snapped off the bindings, and watched as Amethyst scrambled to get to the bars and outside.

The blue gem was observing from a fair while away as Amethyst kicked around at some rocks, presumably to get to the top of the cliff. She could have flown her over, but this was more fun.  
She was surprised, however, when the purple gem turned to face her, lilacy-white hair flowing beyond her shoulders.  
"I've changed my mind, I don't want to shatter myself."  
Lapis lazily looked over. Fine! She could just do it herself anyway.  
"And why would that be?" Lapis asked.

Amethyst kicked another stone out the way, and another rock, revealing what she was standing on.  
"Why?" Amethyst raised her hand, holding a shard of orange gemstone.  
"This."  
She said, before warping back to the temple.

\-----

\--Two weeks earlier--

Lapis loved having Jasper in front of her again, in agony. The feeling of brilliance, being the most important thing on that metre squared they were on.  
Lapis pooled a small amount of water into her hands, making it into ice shards. She arranged them in a circle around Jasper's gem, the other being unable to move due to the ice holding her down.  
"Amethyst. She'll know what happened."  
"Well she'll gave to join you then."  
"Shattering us won't change a thing, you can't live knowing you did this."  
"Oh I can. I've done worse."  
The shards were digging in deeper into Jasper's flesh around her gemstone.  
"How could you even do this..." Jasper gasped with pain, "to the strongest. To the gem called Amethyst."  
"Ha! Not the weak, defective gem type amethyst?"  
Jasper looked up at her, pained in many ways.  
"Why? Well I guess our actions are just a culmination,"  
Lapis Lazuli pushed the ice spikes in further, cracking Jasper's gem then shattering it. Smiling softly as the pieces clinked as they hit the stone ground.  
"...of all our little reasons."

 

\-----


End file.
